by Mary Jessica Hammes
June 19, 2010

I’ve heard it from my own husband and other fathers: when it comes to discussions of parenthood, dads are routinely left out, even though they are experiencing many of the same things as moms.

In the early days, dads are just as confused, intimidated, elated, anxious, and sleep-deprived. They have that same moment of clarity of realizing that parenting is little more than winging it. They understand that brand-new and fierce instinct to protect and nurture at all costs.

Here, dads from around the world share their views on birth, surprises, and lessons from their smallest teachers.

Making introductions
“My son was born premature, 28 weeks in…I got a call just after 1 in the morning saying to get to the hospital because [Neil's mother] was having an emergency C-section. So I was a bit panicked while driving to the hospital. Ran two red lights, but stopped at each one first. Raced up to her floor and was directed to just outside the O.R. when [my son] was wheeled out in a plastic box. They stopped the cart for a second so I could get a look at him, connected to tubes and wires. I never felt scared that he would not make it, just that he was not ready yet…I wasn’t quite ready yet either.”—Ed, father to Neil (7), Columbus, Ohio

“The first thing I thought when Ginny was born was how she looked exactly how I pictured she would. We got a great 3D ultrasound picture of her and my mind filled in the missing parts. When Griffin was born, he had some fluid in his lungs so the nurses immediately took him away to examine him. He screamed the whole time. I remember feeling like I was about to push the doctor and nurses out of my way to be with him and give him some comfort.”—Scott, father to Ginny (4) and Griffin (1), Bethlehem, Georgia

“I saw my daughter being born, it was an amazing feeling! It was kind of unreal, but fantastic. I was extremely proud and impressed by my wife! She’s much tougher than I am.”—Mathias, father to Elin (7 months), Kungsbacka, Sweden

“The moment was frozen in time, every detail was crystal clear. With Donovan, we brought him into the world to the strains of The Edgar Winter Group’s ‘Frankenstein.’ Elias was born peacefully at home; it felt like a major triumph to have a healthy baby without any interventions. I was proud of Rachel and I got to catch the baby. With Elias’s birth, our family finally felt complete.”—James, father to Donovan (2) and Elias (1 month), Athens, Georgia

I first felt like a dad when…
“Maybe 56 days later when we finally got to take [my son] home.”—Ed

“I  started saying things to Ginny or Griffin that sounded just like the things my dad said to me when I was young.”—Scott

“We woke up the day after she was born. Then it was real.”—Mathias

“I drove all the way home from the hospital at 20 miles per hour. That was the first time I had this incredibly defensive feeling about my daughter—that I am the person who is here to protect her.”—Graham, father to Sylvia (3), London, England

“I mastered all of the daddy disciplines. After overcoming the extreme mommy-dependence of a high-needs baby, I was finally able to be an equal partner in Donovan’s child care. I could handle him on my own without relying on the ‘Mommy Fix.’ Finally, I was no longer on the outside looking in.”—James

Surprises
“The amount of acceptance, empathy, and tolerance you have for other peoples’ children—especially when their child acts out.”—Ed

“The thing that surprised me most about being a dad is just how much I love my children. When Ginny was born, I just wanted to tell everyone who would listen how great it was to be a dad and how my daughter was the most beautiful creature in the universe. So when we found out we were having Griffin, I was concerned that he would be short-changed because I couldn’t see how I could love him as much as I loved Ginny. But my fears were put to rest as soon as he arrived. So now I tell people how great it is to be a dad and how I have the most beautiful daughter and handsomest son in the universe.”—Scott

“Wondering what I ever did with my time before becoming a parent! And the physical pain of even a brief separation from the kids. You spend time anticipating, orchestrating, and executing a night out, and spend the whole time speculating about what the little ones are up to.”—James

“I am constantly being surprised by the speed with which our daughter is developing. It seems to me she is learning new things every day! People told me time passes so quickly the first year, I didn’t really believe them, but now I know they were absolutely right!”—Mathias

What fatherhood has taught me
“My son has autism. There is no longer any such thing as normal.”—Ed

“Life is short and you should try to enjoy every minute you can with your kids. All the things people say about kids growing up fast is much too true. That realization has really helped set my priorities straight.”—Scott

“It has taught me what really matters. Now I understand why my parents were worried about me when I was out late…Our daughter is only 7 months old so I think I have much worrying to look forward to!”—Mathias

“There is no joy greater than a child who truly loves you.”—Graham

Cheers to you, dads!

Mary Jessica Hammes is an Athens, Georgia-based writer, trapeze instructor, knitter, gardener, comic book enthusiast, and hula hooper. She is mom to Tommy.