by Kendall Cox
February 04, 2007

Over the years I’ve had the privilege of working with lots of first time moms and dads. It’s particularly fun when they contact me before the baby is born to learn about breastfeeding.

Recently, I heard from a dad who really wanted his partner to breastfeed. Although she reportedly shared his enthusiasm, he sensed that she was just a bit unsure. How I wished there was something magical I could say or do to reassure her.

A key ingredient to breastfeeding success is a mom, confident in her ability to breastfeed, confident that “everything” will work. I realize what a leap of faith such confidence can be, especially in a culture where breasts are often relegated to a decorative rather than functional role. Parents can buy books that tell them exactly what to do, but moms and dads want the comfort of knowing that when the time comes, “everything” will fall into place.

So my message today is for dads.

Dads, you make more of a difference than you can ever imagine when it comes to breastfeeding. How? Just by being there, lending your support, rubbing your partner’s shoulders, listening to her voice her doubts, reminding her why she ventured down this path, helping her with positioning, making sure she’s comfortable, and calling for help! Unfortunately, calling for help is something many moms are reluctant to do, because they think that breastfeeding should be natural, but in reality, breastfeeding is a skill that must be learned.

It’s awesome to see a mom and baby hit the ground running in the early days and a dad supporting their efforts. There is such excitement and joy. However, I have also seen my share of frustration in moms, dads, and babies, when breastfeeding doesn’t go as planned. I am always humbled by those experiences. But difficult situations have taught me a lot about how to better assist breastfeeding families.

Dads, I’m not going to pull any punches with you and say, “Oh, it’s a breeze. All you have to do is just put the baby at the breast and he’ll do the rest.” Sometimes that is true. Oftentimes, many parents find breastfeeding challenging at first, sometimes those challenges can make stopping seem like the better choice (it’s not). So if you have questions or concerns, I encourage you to get help as quickly as possible by contacting your health care provider, an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), La Leche League Leader, or WIC peer counselor in your community—because the sooner you get help, the sooner mom and baby can get on the right track.

Want to show off a bit?

For starters, here is one tip for new mothers that I learned from Diane Wiessinger, an IBCLC, to help babies achieve a better latch. Share this with mom if she is having difficulties with baby’s latch. (Diane uses the analogy of taking a bite out of a sandwich. I decided to throw in some local cuisine):

Imagine a big muffuletta sandwich—one from Central Grocery in New Orleans—with meat, cheese, and olive salad on a loaf of fabulous bread. If you’ve never had a muffuletta, you have my sympathy!

In any case, just imagine a really big sandwich that is a local favorite. Now think about how you would hold the sandwich if you wanted to take a bite. In other words, how would you position the sandwich in relation to your mouth?

Would you place your chin on your chest? No, because you would end up with a nose full of bread.

Would you use the bulls-eye approach and aim the sandwich at the center of your mouth? That may work for small sandwiches, but not large sandwiches.

If you want to take a really big bite out of a really big sandwich, you need to lead with your chin and bring your mouth up and over the sandwich. In other words, tip the sandwich up a tiny bit towards the roof of your mouth or your nose.

You can apply this same technique to your baby. Pretend that mom’s breast is the sandwich. If you want your baby to latch on to mom’s breast, begin by turning your baby’s body so that his chest is facing mom’s chest. Pretend that the baby is going to feed on the left breast. Think of the breast as a clock—12:00 is at the top, 6:00 is at the bottom, 9:00 is on mom’s right, and 3:00 is on her left.

Ready? If you want the baby to latch on well, encourage mom to hold him snugly so he doesn’t have to reach very far to latch on. The nipple should be pointing slightly towards the roof of the baby’s mouth or nose. Tell mom to tickle the baby’s nose or upper lip with her nipple, and when his mouth opens wide like a baby bird–135 degrees or more, quickly place the baby on the breast—swoosh!

His lips will be flanged out like the lips of a fish. His nose may touch the breast lightly, but isn’t buried in the breast like the chin. If mom is worried that he can’t breathe, tell her to pull the baby’s bum in closer to her chest with her arm and his nose will pull away from the breast just a tad which is all the space he needs to breathe.

A lot of the difficulty a mom experiences in the early days of breastfeeding is related to baby not latching well and instead slurping on the breast like a noodle. Remind her to wait for that big gap (wide open mouth) before putting baby to breast. If you remember this simple tip and apply it at each feeding, you might be surprised by how quickly baby latches onto mom!